Pandemonium comprehended
Sunday, September 1, 2024
Friday, February 16, 2024
Snowflies
as it grows in my belly
the want for what could've been
falls softly on the winter lawn
it's all frozen in moments
moments as many as the snowflies
that dance outside this February window
their intricate one-of-a-kind wings
flutter and fail, porcelain pale
as the corpses piled up
in regret and such
the midnight moons that dripped
into burning morning hues
and all the versions of you
but oh how tattered the mirror grew
how the reflection cracked
the ice underfoot on this February pavement
where the snowflies stick and melt and die
with all the hopes spent in fear
all the words spoke in fear
a life probably lived that way too
as it grows in my belly
this want that steals my sleep
watching the frantic life and death
of snowflies in the street light
Saturday, February 3, 2024
Dripping
these great manifestations
what, you reading this
and me typing this
and every little
fragment that falls in between
and out of sorts with the rest of it
that is why the world is coming
to an end
because it came from a beginning
bringing with it all these manifestations
and if you are to be happy
secure, in love, and that
someone must be miserable
though we try and preserve
we try and hold on to the smallest
percentage of matter in the universe
that is, what we are able to see
we want just that to go on forever
only 20 percent of all this existence
when we can be the continuous
wind that blows through these halls
we can be the stars that blow up, die out
and ignite again
because we are, and all that matter
we look at everyday doesn't really matter at all
we are merely drops of water yearning
to understand the ocean
Friday, January 12, 2024
Vermis
I will miss this will
this bacteria influenced brain
the constellations on this skin
with cells made from the distant stars
I will miss this fear
of all the others here
who have driven their own cars
who will miss their skin of fear
I will miss this name
that's brought neither shame nor fame
but is mine just the same
just for here, just for now
I will miss this hunger
the feast of fools all partake in
whether it be love, lust or some other sin
we consume and consummate
and commune and consume a bit more
I will miss this one
for there will never be another one
never has and never will, this will
this fear, this name, this hunger
for it all and nothing less or more
Saturday, December 16, 2023
UBU
walking through those doors
my eyes had been opened
but I was still just looking
through the shop window
it was all a celebration
of being true, of being you
but I hadn't a clue
who that was yet
I mean I shared a lot
with everyone present
but the glamor, the bling
the attitude and masks weren't me
maybe that was why they had all come
maybe that is why I had too
to be someone else
who wasn't rated less
to not be a second-class citizen
to not feel the backside
of your father's hand after he
found out who you really are
but to feel the acceptance
from familiar strangers and
love of self that you had
thrown away long ago
because every stare told you
you didn't deserve it
every sermon from the pulpit
every discriminatory law
every joke made at your expense
sold you the lie that you're not worthy
but the beating pulse
of the rhythmic bodies
the queen named Bruce
serving drinks at the bar
you watching me
watching him watching you
the tragedy of future lovers
and unforgettable loves that never were
the sweat and heat and flesh
and tears in lonely cocktails
all of this queer chaotic scene
told you not only are you more than worth it
but there's more than just you
you're not the island you were born as
not anymore, no longer
you are part of the most brilliant sea of souls
that illuminate the darkest parts of this life
Saturday, December 2, 2023
Dear Michael,
your birthday was so close
to my favorite holiday
and you decided to leave all of this
so close to my birthday
that would have been
a really shitty present
if you had intended it
but I know I wasn't even close
to being on your mind, then
I wish I had known
what had been on your mind, then
not sure if I could have made you stay
not sure if I could have offered
something that would have
changed your mind
and what a fucked up place
to leave from
I mean Omaha of all cities
but I guess that wouldn't have
mattered much, then
I know not a lot
mattered much, then
except for the pain
the inescapable emptiness
of course I'm just guessing
but just in case you can hear
what I'm telling you now
just in case by some chance
these words get to you
I know the world misses you
and that it's not better without you
even if you thought that, then
and if nothing else
I would have wanted to call
you friend
Friday, October 27, 2023
Re-habit
he has a bad habit
he stole it from a nun
23 years ago
well, she never used it anyway
and to him it feels
like the fibers of cloth
in the belly of a moth
the sinking feeling
that perhaps he did
something wrong
at some point
so he's just waiting
for the finger to point his way
but he hasn't seen it yet
through the bottom of his glass
for that's how he views
a lot of his life
through the bottom of his glass
as the drowning feels better
than the sinking
well, he lives in a desert anyway
and the phone hasn't rang
with a nun on the other end
asking for her habit back
Pocketful of change
currency is just a faith we all pay
for the flesh
and faith is just a currency we all attempt to pay
for the soul
the confusion of these results in religion
in all its gawdy array of manifestations
and nightmarish words of knowing
what the great mystery actually is
and worse yet words of what
the great mystery wants
but currency is no saint either
it's just the opposite face of the same coin
it shares with faith
currency itemizes the worth of everything
when so much of existence is completely priceless
and not a single cent can purchase
the first or last breath
a regret or the lack there of
a missed opportunity of the lack there of
emptiness or completeness
currency can't even buy the faith
that is the make up of it's very existence
that takes the human psyche
in all its floundering absurdities,
inhibitions and desires
which brings us back to the price of faith
that so many find themselves indebted to
and there's only one coin one can spend
to realize the validity of that
Saturday, October 21, 2023
Samhain seduction
constant is the voice
out in the dark
beckoning from the sky
across celestial seas
singing the hymns of the stars
descending and nestling
within the serpent of the spine
knocking deep within the chest
melodies that have led kings to ruin
that have led mothers away from children
and uprooted trees from forests
this voice that speaks
from the great mystery
an utter seduction of the soul
to shed existence
pull open the sheer veil that wanes
and pass through to eternity
no greater gravity is there
than what is between us and the unknown