Unsaid

the numbness lingers on my lips

the stillness of your breath

when it used to heat my skin

those winter day endings

being lost in the sunset glory

framed by cottonwood elders

the numbness lingering on our lips

from the bitter cold's kiss

we always had wished more than this

yet now I only long and miss

those times when your eyes

were as endless as the western Kansas horizon

and when we danced in glances

passing each other's windows

feeling the knocking of the heart

yet kept to the stranger's fence

but savored every moment peering through it

both of us never finding the words

escaping our tongues as a tide of birds

still lost in all of what was there and unsaid

lingering in the numbness on my lips

A silent night

 lost in the smoke

as it flutters in the currents

rippling out into the air in the room

fading into its expanse

the spicy rum runs too smooth

over tongue, warming soft palette

and the great beyond

while its spirits rise 

and stir their own smoke

within cranial corridors

the night rain tickles both

the cold glass panes 

and ears longing for a certain voice

the crack of a memory 

as lightning thunders in the distance

being so evident yet so evidently unattainable

when life's warring tides have pulled apart

leaving absence in the numbing peace and despondency

ears still longing for thunder

whatever they can grasp onto in that vacancy of voice

In two breaths

 an exhale of awe into the descending night

in fading light and hue

in losing sight of you

in your presence fading from view

an inhale of exhaustive devastating sight

in hosting a vacant guest

in the counting of one less

in farewells to slumber rest

an exhale of falling downy frozen white

in mid-winter ponder

in mindless mental wander

in destinations off yonder

an inhale of a numbing, lamenting plight

in remorse of the unsaid

in paths where we were led

in grasping through life for the dead

Hold

 the disturbed soil isn't for you

that's for seeds to fall into

for rain to be cradled by

and for sun to crack into plates

you aren't below its surface

that's for worms to tunnel through

for roots to expand into

and for toads to slumber in

that box isn't your bed

boxes are for cargo or music

or miseries of this earthly existence

and no matter how deep the earth holds you

let me hold you deeper

you can breathe through my lungs

and count the days from the beats of my heart

you can clothe yourself in my skin

stare down your fate through my eyes

and when you finally tire 

you can lay my body down

to that ground you don't belong to

Dancing on a sword

 as the tarnished copper

ripples in the flowing gown

as lights line the pool

at the foot of the obelisk

as they are counted four hundred

for every thousand death

from this modern pestilence

as life folds itself in mundane

existence and is tucked in

by time's extraordinary hands

as the sun sets on devastating

disrespect and disruption

for dawn to rise on greater hope

as the world seems to be turning

a page in history with the next day

we are all dancing on a sword

we have always been dancing on a sword

and we will always be dancing on a sword

Should've, would've, could've

 my should've is a vine

slithering through my gut

when I heard you had 

spoken your last words

your feet were so pale and cold

when you took those first steps

into the dark

I want to grab your hand still

when I could've when we were still

so stupid, so misshapen, so weak

and so ready to bite into it all

I should've when we were alone

and stolen away to lay out 

in front of the starry abyss

on our backs on the trampoline

in the shadow of the house at night

where we could've watched the lights 

dance through the seasons

and where we could've poured out

all our troubles into those starry depths

as our heads laid ear to ear

listening so gently 

as the sandhills exhaled in the distance

I should've brought you out into those hills

and held your arms while you let your rage

explode from your mouth

perhaps your tears could've formed a sea

and I would've swam its waves with you

I could've been a reason for you to stay

hoping that I would've been enough

to keep your pale cold feet from taking those

steps into the dark

I should've grabbed your hand back then

when, when I could've