the waters I sleep in
and dreams I float in
and illusions I choke on
they grasp my throat
they curl around my shoulders
holding me tight
in their arms
the lovers they could have been
the lovers they long for
but it isn't I
the hopelessness in my heart
they listen for
I can't afford
though I'll give them their night
I am to them
what they are for me
one toe dipping into the pool
a slight taste
of something else
whether it's here or there
where is where again
a small test
of which side of the surface
I'm on
in these dreams
these waters
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